Quranic verses related to marriage
By: Khoala Rizvi
Marriage is about trust, transparency and protection. In our society, this word has been misused and abused repeatedly. For Muslims, the Quran is a complete life guidebook. It has not left a single fragment uncovered or untouched. Similarly, the Quran reveals how sacred marriage is, and the importance of it.
The concept of a marriage proposal has been awfully misinterpreted in our society. If a man approaches a woman or vice versa, it is considered as a shameful act. Whereas, in Islam, it is allowed for a man or a woman to choose and reach out to someone they have a liking for. The biggest example of this act can be extracted from the proposal of Prophet Moses pbuh.
It is mentioned in the Quran:
“They told their dear father Prophet Shuayb pbuh about Prophet Moses pbuh; about how polite and well-mannered he was. They also told their father how strong Prophet Moses pbuh was as he managed to lift the large rock sealing the water well on his own, a task ordinarily requiring 10 men to do”
“And said one of them (the two women): ‘O my father! Hire him! Verily, the best of men for you to hire is the strong, the trustworthy.’ He said, ‘I intend to wed one of these two daughters of mine to you, on condition that you serve me for eight years, but if you complete ten years, it will be a favour from you. But i intend not to place you under a difficulty. If Allah wills, you will find me one of the righteous.’ He (Moses) said, ‘That is settled between me and you whichever of the two terms i fulfil, there will be no injustice to me, and Allah is Surety over what you say.’” (Al Quran 28:26-28)
In the above ayahs, Prophet Moses’s wife had talked to her father directly about getting married to him. Because Allah has explicitly made marriage easy and divine. Unfortunately, our culture has made it very complicated. Nothing in the Quran forbids a woman to approach man for the pure purpose of marriage.
“And one of His signs is that He has created for you, spouses from amongst yourselves so that you might take comfort in them and He has placed between you, love and mercy. In this there is surely evidence (of the truth) for the people who carefully think.” (Al Quran 30:21)
“And give to the women (whom you marry) their mehr (obligatory bridal money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage) with a good heart, but if they, of their own good pleasure, remit any part of it to you, take it, and enjoy it without fear of any harm (as Allah has made it lawful).” (Al Quran 4:4).
Marriage is not an exchange of goods and services, it’s an exchange of emotions and relationships only. ‘Jahez (dowry)‘ – Please note that no such word has been used in the Quran and no such act has been conducted by any of the prophets. The concept is purely self-made or has been adopted from the times of United India.
In the Asian subcontinent, parents are obliged to give dowry to their daughters at the time of their marriage. While a small number of people frown upon this idea, the larger percentage still approves and adheres.
In Islam, the bride herself, is a gift to the groom and his family. People in our society are oblivious to this fact. Culturely pressured, the bride’s parents worry about their daughter’s jahez- the things that they must give to “fulfil” either their daughter’s wishes or even worse, her in-laws.
We have become so blindsided by this concept that we fail to understand the true meaning and essence of dowry and mehr.
In Islam, mehr is a monetary gift from the groom to his wife. The concept of mehr is 100% authentic, just as the above verse suggests. It is a religious obligation on the groom to give mehr – an amount of his own affordability – to his wife any time during their marriage. It is not linked to divorce. You’re not supposed to take back anything that you’ve given to your spouse.
Doesn’t getting your daughter married in a family mean that she will evidently have a bed to sleep on, plates to eat in, have glasses to drink in, have a fridge to store food in, have a washing machine to wash clothes in, have a TV to watch? I mean if not so, then why are you even considering getting her married in a family that can’t provide her with necessities or the luxuries that are required for her survival. Do not say that the Holy Prophet pbuh also gave dowry to Hazrat Fatima. Because that clearly wasn’t dowry. The rituals of Pagans and non-muslims have influenced our people so much, that parents who don’t provide dowry are looked down upon.
Marriage is a beautiful, a sacred bond between a man and woman – it is not defined by cultural and social pressures or ignorant practices. It is a companionship, a way of building families and communities for both sexes.
Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allah and to their husbands), and guard in the husband’s absence what Allah orders them to guard (e.g. their chastity, their husband’s property, etc.). As to those women on whose part you see ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (next), refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful), but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance). Surely, Allah is Ever Most High, Most Great.
“Allah hasn’t associated the word ‘authority’ with man anywhere in the Quran. The word ‘Qayyam’ used in this ayah stands for the meaning of ‘sacred’,” Nouman Ali Khan makes a valid point. It comes in the meaning of commitment, when you don’t give up on something, when you devote yourself to something or someone. Allah has used this word “Qayyam” for women to make them feel protected, committed, devoted. Men are supposed to be actively participating in the lives of their women, to stick with them, to accompany them. Women need stability in their lives and men are supposed to provide them with constant stability. The words responsibility and authority have two different meanings and mostly these words are unfairly integrated by the people of our society. Men are supposed to be responsible of their women, not authoritative.
Similarly, Khan also states that women are supposed to guard and protect not only that can be seen, but also what can’t be seen, things like; trust, character, everything that a woman’s man has told her not to do. Allah has put responsibilities on both the spouses, and it’s a woman’s responsibility to always guard what it unseen and is hidden from her spouse. This includes not speaking about your spouse behind his back, because that way he isn’t granted a chance to defend himself. A woman who is spiteful to her man is away and at a distance from Allah.
Not one person in a relationship is obliged to bear the burden of everything. It’s an equally distributed set of responsibilities that symbolises love, protection, tranquillity, transparency and devotion.
“They (your wives) are clothing (covering) for you and you too are a clothing
(covering) for them.” (Al Quran 2:187)