A look at a girl’s path to becoming bridezilla

 

By Khoala Rizvi

 

Even before a girl enters her twenties, the rishtas start rolling in and wedding plans that were somewhere far far away take the front seat. Everyone — and their mom — literally, are concerned about a single girl who “should” be married.

While some girls creep out just hearing the word wedding, others plan for a B-town inspired musical extravaganza with camel carts, fireworks and whatever else they can get their hands on. However, whether the girl wants a simple or an elaborate affair, marriage is a life changing event!

 

Marriage by definition means “the legally or formally recognized union of two people as partners in a personal relationship”. This formal meaning is not valuable for a girl who already has opinions about marriage based on other people’s experience or unrealistic fantasies driven by dramatic love stories on TV.

 

But behind all the assumptions, generalizations and the gold and glitter, the true essence of marriage gets lost.

Firstly, marriage happens between two families, not just individuals. Secondly, what marriage might mean to one will definitely differ from what it means to another — all based on observations — good or bad.

People around her give unwanted advice. The girl gets told horrific stories about her first night of being married. Friends and family participate in all the pre wedding events all the while reminding the bride that soon she will be gone. The stress of her own unexpected future life prevents her from fully enjoying her own wedding.

 

The truth is, whether the picture of marriage in a girl’s head is pretty or ugly; the whole series of occasions, from the baat pakki to the rukhsati, are nerve wracking.

 

There are a gazillion reasons why a girl might turn into bridezilla, but we are only going to talk about three.

1. The Shift

The first thought that traumatizes a girl occurs when she begins to look at her home, her safe haven, as a temporary accommodation. The reality starts to sink in and anxiety pops up. The bride realizes now she will have to leave her parents, her siblings, her comfort zone and move to a completely different place with her partner, and possibly a whole new family.  It takes a lot of strength to endure these facts.

Scary stories of couples start to surface and girls unconsciously begin to imagine their married life as a depiction of someone else’s. A black-and-white movie reel takes over their mind in which all their pessimist psychic vision makes them feel like they’re about to enter a dark jungle.

2The OOTN (Outfit Of The Night)

The horrible struggle of getting your dream dress made is as real as can be. All that she wants is a perfect dress for the wedding — a dress which has hypothetically gone through numerous modifications over and over again already to suit her style. And yet, ultimately it’s not even close to that flawless picture perfect in her head.

3. The Doubt

Uncertainty causes the future bride to become manic depressive. The risk, the doubt, the skepticism stays till the final “qubool hai” is accompanied by the final signature. This uncertainty cannot be erased — it’s part of the package. All anyone can do is hope for the best and stay positive!

Simultaneously, with all that’s going wrong, there are a few rights as well.

A girl’s thoughts are as deep as the ocean, as jammed as the craziest traffic on a busy road, and at the time of her wedding, as gleeful and dreamy as a Disney fairy tale! Every girl imagines herself to be a beautiful bride, at a breathtaking venue, walking down the aisle with her favorite romantic song playing in the background. The forecasted magic, excitement of independence and perfection of the upcoming life is an essential part of this phase.

A girl starts viewing and implying everything that she has read and seen all her life, practically. This includes dressing up, having her own customized place and having a lifelong date with her best friend, her husband.

It’s an emotional roller coaster ride that doesn’t go down that easily. It only stabilizes and becomes clear once she enters her newly married life completely. The premarriage thoughts play an important role in the conduct of this relationship. Sometimes, only negative and anxious thoughts become the reason of a stressful life. Nothing ever remains perfect; the key to a peaceful and blissful life is to enter it with utter optimism and to embrace everything including the flaws with minimal expectations. When things happen without demanding and foreseeing, only then that predicted magic can come into existence.

2 Replies to “Before she says “Qubool hai”

  1. I totally agree with you…There is so much which goes into a marriage, from the event to the transition to actually realising the responsibilities which comes with the union of Not just two people but two families.
    Sometimes we do get lost in our daily routine that we forget why we said qabool hai in the first place.

  2. I agree that when talking about marriage, we quickly get lost in the glitz and glam of it which is only the wedding and endless functions portion. I enjoyed reading your take on it because the term “qabool hai” is a phrase with such heavy implications. When you go into marriage with the expectations and reality of it in mind, the shock is easier to adjust to. It’s an important topic, looking forward to reading more on it.

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